Cowboys linebacker Micah Parsons made some waves yesterday when he suggested, after getting their doors blown off 42-10, that the Dallas Cowboys were really the same caliber of team as the San Francisco 49ers. The Cowboys just needed to “reconsider some things,” Parsons explained, then “get together and fix some things.” What those “things” were precisely, he didn’t really get into. His point, however, was clear: a gigantic blowout loss doesn’t necessarily reflect a large discrepancy in skill between the two teams involved.
Needless to say, this was fantastic news to us, as Patriots fans. Only the week before, Dallas had put a similar beat down on the Pats in which both Mac Jones and Bill Belichick suddenly appeared to have forgotten how to play professional football. The Patriots 38-3 loss to Dallas was of a similar nature to the Cowboys loss to San Fran, and we realized that if Parsons reasoning were universally applicable, then our team must be in far better shape than we were giving them credit for. After all, the Patriots had been competitive in their first three games, against consensus good to great teams – competitive enough that, although they were certainly the underdog in Dallas, nobody saw their implosion coming (no matter how hard the national sports media is now trying to pretend they did).
Parsons claim is that, despite Team A blowing out Team B, still Team B = Team A categorically (Team A – Niners, Team B – Cowboys). He does not offer a ton of evidence for this categorical equivalence, but we are willing to take his word for it that he has some. If we were as bold and visionary as Parsons, we would argue further that, despite a blowout victory of nearly equal magnitude, it is also therefore the case that still Team B = Team C (Team C – Patriots). According to the Transitive Property of Equality, if Team A = Team B, and Team B = Team C, then Team A = Team C. Thus, we conclude logically that the New England Patriots are the football equals of the San Francisco 49ers.
Based on Parsons’s vague generalization of the similar properties of sets “A” and “B”, the two sets “B” and “C” also possess similar enough properties to make the comparison. After all, no less than Bill Belichick himself has stated that the Patriots have to “start all over” in order to find a solution to their offensive woes. That sounds a lot like Parsons’s claim that the Cowboys need to “reconsider some things.” Patriots’ Tight End Hunter Henry echoed Parsons’s argument that Dallas needs to “fix some things” when he said that the Pats terrible play was “not how we want to play football.” So if Dallas needs to reconsider and fix some things, and New England has to start over because this isn’t how they want to play football, why, that sounds like two teams who are in exactly the same boat.
Also, consider this: the Cowboys may have the better quarterback, but few would argue that Mike McCarthy is anywhere near Bill Belichick’s equal as a coach (even despite Belichick’s recent roster building and management missteps). The Cowboys have a better WR1 in CeeDee Lamb, but the Patriots have one of the top defensive rookies in the NFL in CB Christian Gonzales (in fact, the Cowboys passing game didn’t really get going until Gonzales got hurt – the blowout only really began after Gonzales left the game). Finally, despite ESPN and Sports Illustrated’s attempts to artificially lower Matthew Judon’s ranking among linebackers, he absolutely rivals Micah Parsons and Nick Bosa in talent and accomplishments. Last year, Judon led the league in sacks and yet, for some reason, ESPN and Albert Breer, among others, refused to acknowledge him as Defensive Player of the Year, choosing to leapfrog Parsons above him.
If you intentionally ignore the talent on the Patriots’ roster, it seems, it becomes much easier to claim that they have none.
Therefore, we can safely conclude that the blowout in Dallas was not indicative of any real talent differential between the Patriots and the Cowboys. According to Parson’s reasoning, this means that the two teams are at the same level. Since the Cowboys are the same caliber as the 49ers, therefore, the Patriots and the Niners are also on equal footing. Sure, the Patriots are banged up right now, but no matter. We just have to figure a few things out, fix some stuff, and we will be back to Super Bowl contention in no time.
This should bring a tremendous amount of relief to Patriot Nation. The math has spoken, y’all – we are not as far behind in the rebuild as we thought!