Josh Allen to Jets: “Don’t Worry Guys – I Got This!”

Aaron Rodgers’s career as a Jet may be over before it has even begun. In his debut for Gang Green on Monday night, The Hall of Fame flamethrower went to the turf on the very first drive with what many now fear was a ruptured Achilles tendon. At Rodgers age, that would mean, at best, he’s out for the season. At worst, well…he’s had a hell of a career.

But all was not lost at MetLife Stadium. Fortunately for Jets fans, Josh Allen was there to step in and save the day. After Rodgers went down and was replaced by Ninja Turtle Zack Wilson, it seemed inevitable that the Bills would simply cruise to a comfortable victory. Instead, Allen decided to sacrifice himself for the greater good, and proceeded to: throw three interceptions, two of which were heading into the end zone; fumble the football at a key moment in the fourth quarter; get sacked five times; and immediately go three and out in overtime after winning the coin toss. Jets rookie Xavier Gipson ran back the following 65-yard punt return for a touchdown, snatching victory from the jaws of defeat. Thanks to Allen’s compassionate performance, the Jets – for once – did not Jet.

But we must face reality. The Jets also did not win this game – the Bills lost it, and they did so in grand, spectacular fashion. If Josh Allen had not taken pity on that entire stadium and instead had chosen to play anything close to the type of football he is typically known for, well…as Peyton Manning put it: it would have been a very, very long night for the Jets. Every sports analyst in attendance Monday night should be naming their next child after Josh Allen, for giving them something shocking and exciting to talk about now that Rodgers was gone, and saving them all from presiding over what would have been one of the absolute worst nights in a very long time at MetLife Stadium. And that’s saying something.