The plan? Well, to give myself a fighting chance I ditched any of the recently promoted teams of Week #1. Initially, I’d reasoned that at least one of them should be doing a Hull City and terrifying the bejaysus out of the established order, but the truth is they simply hurl too many weird variables into the mix. Plus, they’re all clearly pants.
Instead, I opted to pick four teams who should be in the top half of the Premier League and who could, conceivably, be pushing for a pre-Xmas flirtation with the top six. Step forward Newcastle, Everton, Swansea and West Ham.
For my final choice I swapped Chelsea for Liverpool based on the assumption that Jurgen Klopp’s arrival could give the Reds some kind of bounce in form. Not that I have any idea how they’ve been playing – or if Klopp has boarded a boat from Dortmund yet.
Admittedly, this use of recent footy knowledge does run slightly against the grain of my crazy scheme, but in my defence I can state that I have absolutely no idea of Liverpool’s fixtures, form or injuries (although I’m guessing Daniel Sturridge is on the list). Plus, my only other option was Tottenham.
The result? Well, brace yourselves…
Gary The Gambler
System used: Accumulator.
Teams: He’d tell me if I asked but I’d then have to drink a pint of meths to erase the details.
Winnings: £0. Nada. Zero. Zip. 제로.
System used: Idiotic hunches dreamt up on the northbound carriage of the M40.
Teams: Newcastle, Everton, Swansea, West Ham and Liverpool.
Admittedly, this still leaves me £68.50 behind. Plus, Gary actually predicted more winning teams and only drew a blank because his accumulator failed. But, given that this is a gambling-based experiment, I personally feel that cold hard cash is the only marker that can be scientifically applied. Plus, it means I win.
So there you have it: using little more than hunches based on previous seasons, I managed to out-gamble a man who: a) knows the form, b) knows who’s playing, c) has gambled all his adult life (if you believe that adulthood begins around the age of 6).
Naturally, this leaves just one thing to do: having reigned-in Gary’s lead by a cool £1.50, I now have to try and close the remainder of the £68.50 gap from Week #1. It’s the best out of three baby! And this time I’m going BIG!!