Blind Gambling

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I’ve never been much of a gambler. Apart from the occasional sweepstake my gambling life has pretty much involved a drunken night at Wimbledon dog track, numerous unfinished games of poker and a random £5 bet on Chelsea to reach the FA Cup Final in 1994.

This decision was made during a cab ride from Stoke to Newcastle-Under-Lyme just before ‘the third round proper’ and, amazingly, they did! (Only to be hammered 4-0 by Man Utd).

That all changed this weekend: in the spirit of consumer science I set out to challenge the might of Ladbrokes and William Hill armed with a £5 note and what can only be described as an extremely flimsy grasp of the current Premier League season.

My hypothesis was simple: thanks to my deep understanding of previous seasons, I could predict between 3 and 5 winning teams. To make life a little more interesting I staked £1 on each of my selected sides and pitched myself against an experienced gambler with full access to the results and fixtures and who, crucially, could also lay the bets for me.

To make life even trickier I also decided to limit myself to one of the so-called ‘big six’. Instead, I opted for teams who could be pushing for a decent top ten position or enjoying a remarkable first season in the Premiership. So Sunderland were miles out of the picture.

The result? Well, see for yourself….

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Money waged: £5
System used: Accumulator.
Teams: I’ve no idea. I can’t ask him.
Winnings: £70.

Footy-dodger
Money waged: £5
System used: Wild stab in the dark while dragging two children through the Sainsbury’s multi-story in Walton-on-Thames.
Teams: Chelsea, Norwich, Watford, Palace and Everton.
Winnings: 40p (overall loss of £3.60)

So there you have it. Proof, if there ever was, that a fool and his money really can be easily parted. That’s unless the gambler has told me an outrageous lie and I am actually the one who’s scooped on a huge wad of cash. There’s no way I can check, you see.

Nevertheless, in trusty gambling style I have cried ‘best out of three?’ and shall return to the fray with a different scheme that’s practically guaranteed to turn the tide.

Next week: Blind Gambling 2 – The Return of the Cretin!

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